Cellphones and Mental Wellness

My current cellphone's touchscreen is all but dead (it works about 8% of the time). This means that I can see that someone in the universe sent me a text, but I will never be able to open it. It just sits there and taunts me. I also cannot access my contacts; I can only dial memorized phone numbers into my pull-out QWERTY keypad. And who memorizes numbers anymore unless you have a knack for memorizing numbers? Basically I can only call my parents, 911, or the last person who called me.

On June 5 it will be time for me to get a new cellphone. Sometimes I think I'm excited at the prospect, but panic ramping into terror quickly overwhelms any excitement that I imagined. Why, you ask? Because I do not understand the cellphone world in the least. I don't understand the tech jargon, why I should care about certain features or be upset about others, what entails a "good" plan or a "good phone," etc. The more I try to find phones and plans that I think I want, the more confused and overwhelmed I get. And before you ask, I try to educate myself, I do my homework, I read articles, I do my research, but instead of making my options clear it only compounds my confusion about cellphones and plans. And this gal weren't born yesterday.

On top of that, I think that the cellphone business is a crock. I understand paying the big bucks for new phone technology, but the companies can basically charge whatever monthly fees they want and lock you into ridiculously long contracts because we all "need" cellphones. The big names are making money hand-over-fist, meaning billions a year. Yes, I understand that this is how marketing and capitalism works, but it's still a crock...that I knowingly participate in for now.

Weirdly I'm reluctant and maybe even ashamed to admit my tech shortcomings to you. I hate feeling ignorant, especially after trying to un-ignorant myself. That, and in my experience, most people who are uber tech-savvy are condescending in their disbelief that you don't know what a 7G, houndstooth, 26GB, Saber Jolt, spinal implant powered by Android is and how it is revolutionizing the way companies market your favorite brand of toilet paper directly to you in your dreams. *Shock therapy upgrade available. (I guess that rant makes me the condescending one now? Meh.)

The point is I need help. And lots of it.

Here's what I need:
300-400 minutes per month
Unlimited or large amounts of texts
A decent enough phone
A rock-bottom phone bill

Here's what I want:
GPS, is that even an à la carte feature? (I have negative sense of direction.)
A small to medium amount of data, does data include GPS?
A high-quality phone

Obviously my needs list comes first, and I'm willing to sacrifice any or all my wants list to keep my bill as low as possible at this stage in my life. I'm currently with AT&T on a family plan that will no longer be available to me in June, and I'm willing to change companies. Any thoughts, ideas, suggestions, websites I can visit? Please refrain from telling me that something is "the best" without telling me why.

I will highly respect you if you can help me. It's a great reward, because my high regards are hard to come by these days.