15 April 2012

Why I Don't Buy Hi-Chew


They're always sitting there by the register. I have learned to dutifully ignore them. But today I reread all the labels and daydream. Grape, apple, melon, strawberry, mango, and...peach? Huh, that's a new one. Peach. I'm good at coercing myself, so good that my conscious barely takes note. I've never had peach before. How can I tell people what flavor's the best if I haven't tried them all? It's for the greater good. Plus, I deserve it. Life has been kind of hard lately, still looking for that job and all.

Beep, beep. One pack of peach Hi-Chew slides neatly into my bag.

I resist for a day, believing that this somehow proves something about me—that I'm strong, that I'm in control. But the truth comes out on day two, because day two is the day that I will "eat just one."

The first chomp has the same resistance as a fresh piece of Hubba Bubba, but smoother and milky and luxurious. The intensity of the flavor burst is hard to believe. It rolls around on my taste buds, lingering for several minutes. There's no expected bad aftertaste, the peach just slowly fades. I can't stand the thought of the flavor frolic ending. Just one more won't hurt. Before I can rebut, one more Hi-Chew meets its fate.

It's downhill from there. When the flavor fade starts, I pop another, then another, until I'm popping them almost before I swallow the last one in a frenzy that lasts less than 10 minutes.

Inevitably my mouth has that furry sugar coating with the special bonus of a pre-canker sore feel. Somehow, as with all chewy candy, the Hi-Chews glom together in my stomach, making an uncomfortable ball of digestion issues. I berate myself in the aftermath. Stupid idiot. Why did I eat them all? Don't I have any self-control? 

And that's why I don't buy Hi-Chew: It's a low self-esteem candy.


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9 comments:

  1. KrisanneApril 15, 2012 at 11:13 PM

    Hi-Chew is crack candy. I can't believe how good it is. I'm going to buy some tomorrow, thank you very much.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Martha O.April 16, 2012 at 12:03 AM

      When you hit rock bottom I will be here with a bottle of water, a toothbrush, and lists of daily affirmations to get you through.

      Delete
  2. Mairi dhubhApril 16, 2012 at 9:32 AM

    Never even heard of Hi-Chew.

    ReplyDelete
  3. ragtradesistersApril 16, 2012 at 10:12 AM

    I guess Seth first ate them when he was in Japan, and now that they're here they're not as special any more. I'm definitely going to have to try the peach (one at a time). Mairi, they remind me a lot of "Fruit-ella." Those were my favorite when I was over in the UK.

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    Replies
    1. Martha O.April 16, 2012 at 11:39 AM

      They first ones I had were Japanese, too. And you can get lots more flavors there, like grapefruit and pineapple. But I'll settle for the non-Japanese version any day.

      Delete
    2. Mairi dhubhApril 17, 2012 at 8:10 AM

      Ah, good to know. I did mean to say, though, to make up for my not knowing, that I go through similar scenarios with British sweets. Sigh.

      Delete
    3. Martha O.April 17, 2012 at 11:50 AM

      Yes, I know. Hi-Chew is not my only weakness. There are so many...so many. Like those chocolate caramel digestives?! Delightfully sinful.

      Delete
  4. UnknownApril 25, 2018 at 7:24 PM

    The people that make this candy do not care about their customers. I found a pack of with bugs lodging inside each piece. I happened to eat two before noticing. It was disgusting and I feel they should be punished for this.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Candylover4006February 8, 2021 at 12:55 PM

      I thought there were bugs in the kiwi flavor but they were sesame seeds

      Delete

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