An Open Letter to the Group of 4 Moms on the Train with 12 Kids Under 6 Years Old

Dear Moms,

I get it. You've each had three kids, one right after the other, and sometimes you want to get the hell out of Dodge. But when you all trooped onto the train and sat right behind me, I knew that I didn't want to sit next to 12 toddlers and infants for an hour. So instead of huffing or rolling my eyes and giving you dirty looks, I moved my seat to give both you and myself space. For some reason, and based on what followed, that seemed to offend you and inspire forced immersion therapy.

First, one of you left your seat on the upper deck to come down to the lower deck and change your baby's diaper across the aisle from me, directly on the seat, without some sort of cover or pad, which can't be sanitary. And your baby absolutely screamed the whole time. I can only assume that either the seats by your group in some way had inferior surfaces on which to change your baby, or I offended you enough to seek me out and force the presence of your...blessings upon me.

With that noise- and smell-mare over, two stops later the whole lot of you inexplicably shambled your way down to the first deck and again sat right next to me. One baby continually moaned while the kids who could walk then began to run up and down the aisle touching everything, including me. Again, I get it, they're kids. But I also get that you as a parent are responsible for your children (no matter how overwhelmed you are), and I also get my limits. Which is why I chose to move in the first place. So I once again switched my seat, this time walking to the other side of the train car and sitting in an already populated area in order to avoid any other misunderstanding about my desire to wallow in your children.

Here's the thing, not everyone loves kids based on the fact that they are kids. Not everyone thinks your kids and precious and infallible.  Some of us think your kids are loud and gross, and we will not excuse your kids from being unruly on the basis that they are "just kids."  Some of us believe that as a parent--who has chosen to not only have, but to rear children--you are responsible for their behavior and discipline, and we will not treat you like you're some sort of superior being with endless get-out-of-jail-free cards because you have kids.

I know that it is socially unacceptable to not only voice these opinions, but merely to have them in the first place. However in my experience, parents assume that their children to be precious to everyone. But here's the deal. I will not harm your children ever, I will even help or protect a child that is in danger, but I don't see how that means I should tolerate your complete disregard for other human beings on the basis that "kids will be kids."

I know you're busy and tired. Maybe you even feel that since having kids you have been banned to the Island of Misfit Toys and you want to make appearances in society in order to grasp at whatever you think you lost when you had kids. But we all make our choices, and choices always come with consequences. In your case the consequences of corralling wee ones are temporary, but don't make your consequences become my problem, and I will do the same.

Sometimes it's a conscious effort to not yell at your kids or say mean things to them when they touch me with their sticky hands or scream like a pterodactyl in enclosed spaces for no apparent reason. I honestly try to not give you dirty looks as you lollop around public places all glassy eyed and unaware that there are other people around you as your kid sneezes on me or  I step on your kid because they aimlessly amble in front of me. I do my best to veer away or simply change my seat without rebuke.

Please understand that my actions are a white flag of peace that I'm desperately waving so I don't have to deal with your kids, and so you don't have to deal with...whatever happens when I break.

Best wishes,
Martha