5 Tips and a Rant about Men's Appearance

I have strong opinions. Shocker, I know. But I try to lay my thoughts in front of people as just opinions and keep the word “should” to myself. Who am I to tell you what you should or shouldn’t do, after all?

That being said, I still have my peeves that drive me crazy. And if you catch me on certain days at certain times and in a certain light, I might just should all over you.

For example, the other day a male acquaintance was justifying some clothes choices because it’s “easier” and he “doesn’t want to think about it.” He was wearing jeans, a t-shirt, and a hoodie on his way to a work meeting in a business casual office. 

Banana Republic: Pants, shirt, jacket, done.

Now, I'm not against a casual look. I wear hoodies as much as my activities allow. But he was going to a meeting that his boss, his boss’s boss and his boss’s boss’s boss were going to be at. His reasoning, and I almost quote, “It takes me about 2 minutes to get dressed: pants, shirt, jacket, done.”

I could not let this slide, because it would take the same time and it’s just as easy to put on a pair of non-denim pants, a button up and a better casual jacket or sports coat (Well, it’s just as easy if you have them in your wardrobe.)

In the end, I believe it’s all about the old “people fear what they don’t know” adage. He knows how do dress casually, and fear keeps him from doing otherwise.

But here’s the deal, it is comparatively so easy for men to improve their appearance. I’ll probably be eternally frustrated that most men (at least most American men) just won’t spend a one-time, relatively small time investment to figure out some lifetime knowledge regarding clothing that would absolutely not make getting dressed any more difficult or time consuming or less comfortable.

So here are five general beginning tips that aren’t overwhelming and scary for you men to improve their appearance.

1. Ask for help. A sales person’s job is to help you and most of them have a lot of experience and know what will fit you best. I used to be one myself, and I would take great relish in truly helping someone find something they look and feel good in. Bonus tip: If you’re super nice, many sales people will bend over backwards to get you what you need.

2. Wear slimmer pants. I did not say wear skinny jeans. (per se) What I mean is wear pants that fit and have a modern, slim cut. You may have to try on a few pair to find what size and style are for you, but that will potentially take you only 20 minutes in the right store. And if you like skinny jeans, go for it.

 

keepitsimplestyles.wordpress.com

3. Leave your gym shoes at the gym. There are plenty of choices that are just as comfortable but look infinitely better, from Vans to Italian leather.

 

Teva chukka built for comfort, looks good too.

4. Ask your wife or a trusted female friend. I bet you dollars to doughnuts that many have had thoughts about your appearance and can pull up viable choices that will not offend you in less than 3 minutes on the internet. However, I would leave moms out of this unless your mom is particularly in touch with modern styling.

5. Last, but not least, don’t underestimate the power of basic hygiene. I believe I speak for a fair number of women when I say that this is very important to how attractive you are to them. Here is a simplified list:

• Trim your nose hairs (we do)
• Pluck those stray hairs between your brows (we do)
• Keep your nails trimmed and clean (we do)
• There is no shame in face moisturizer, use it (we do)
• Use chapstick, don’t let your lips crack or peel (we don’t)
• If you can’t grow a beard, don’t grow a scraggly, wishful beard
• If you can and do grow a beard, shave your neck
• Bathe at least every other day (yes, many still must be reminded of this) 

I will happily address any specific questions you have about men’s styling, comment away.

Bow Ties: Not Just for Squares

I come from a long line of bow tie wearers: My maternal grandfather wore them with a cashmere sport coat, my paternal grandfather wore them with his denim overalls, my father wore one in his senior yearbook photo, my oldest brother wears them in court, and my teenage nephews think they're nifty. I'm mostly telling you this to brag about my amazing heritage, but it's also a vehicle to tell you that I have always loved bow ties. From a wee lass to this very day I get a tiny thrill every time I see a man sporting one. Sadly I fear that bow ties have an uncool reputation–they're for the nerds, squares, magicians, and old men. You might think, "Oh, but those hipsters are making them cool, right?" Nope. Shockingly (sarcasm) some people have a real distaste for hipsters, and to their non-hipster minds it only confirms that bow ties are for squares.

To the haters of bow ties (and hipsters), I say Horsefeathers! Phooey! Hogwash! Malarky! To quote the most recent incarnation of Doctor Who, "Bow ties are cool."

I will be the first to admit that not everyone is meant to wear a bow tie–just like not everyone is meant to wear hats or skinny jeans or beards–but bow ties should not automatically be discounted like they were a pair of Crocs or sweatpants. Instead, men, educate yourselves, find out if you can walk the bow tie strut, and ask yourself if you want to attract the kind of lady who respects and swoons for the man who boldly dons a bow tie.

Here are the basics for non-formal bow tie wearing:

Getting Started!
Thrift stores are a great place for a novice to pick up their first bow tie (the price is right) and for the intermediate wearer to find some vintage classics. Just like with regular ties (or any clothing) fabrics make a difference in how classy and cool the bow tie looks. Natural fibers like silk, cotton, and wool, are always better than, say, polyester.

Types!
There are three major types of bow ties: The batwing (named after a cricket bat), the hourglass or butterfly, and the pointed. Bow ties may come in several different widths, which of course gives you different looks and more options. Many bow ties are adjustable around the neck, but you can also get them in a specific neck size; the measurement is the same as the neck on your dress shirts. You can also get pre-tied clip ons, which isn't my favorite version of a bow tie, but I won't judge you if you do.

From left to right: batwing, hourglass, and pointed.

How To!
Here are two diagrams about how to tie a bow tie. I'm sure there are videos on YouTube as well. Like anything worthwhile, it will take a little practice. But if you can tie your shoes I trust you have the fine motor skills to master the task. Bonus: Learning this skill will help you become a better wrapper of presents, much to your lady's delight.

 

Famous Bow Tie-ers!
Whether it helps or hurts my efforts, here are some famous wearers of bow ties.

Starting from top left Andre 3000, Frank Sinatra, Matt Smith as Doctor Who, Bill Nye, Pee Wee Herman,
Groucho Marx, Harrison Ford as Indiana Jones, Humphrey Bogart, and Winston Churchill.

Your Potential!
Enjoy some modern examples of your potential bow tie excellence. Please keep in mind that these are fashion photos and not necessarily your end goal. You can keep it simple and wear bow ties in a way to fit your wardrobe and aesthetic. You don't have to wear tweed, suspenders, or waistcoats to "pull it off," and you don't have to wear bold-patterned bow ties. Remember that experimentation is key in fashion. It's okay to have fashion fails as long as you keep trying. I have them all the time.